Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
