If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize