I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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