i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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