I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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