yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
