He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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