u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize