Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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