Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
