If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
