I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize