Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
