She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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