'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
