I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
