I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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