i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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