we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
