he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize