I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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