gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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