k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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