Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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