i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm at about main and main street
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
