i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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