just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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