Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
