Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
