Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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