Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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