I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
