I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
