you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
