Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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