im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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