That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
