i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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