I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
