I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So vagazzling was a success
i think i just lost a toe
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