apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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