Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize