I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
