I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
