I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize