walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize