You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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