You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize