I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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