Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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