On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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