Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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