Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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