"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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