she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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