I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize