i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
