please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
