In America we eat man semen.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
