ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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