yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
