i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
