the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
