why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
