shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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