I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize