Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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