i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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