so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
