You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
