wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
