Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
