It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
