i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
