Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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