i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
