He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
